The Secret Diary of a London 2012 Olympics Volunteer

Back in summer 2012, I wrote a series called The Secret Diary of a London 2012 Olympics Volunteer. People liked it, I liked it, the Olympic Committee liked it far less, but they are irrelevant now. Below is a sample of one of the posts. If you like it and feel like reading more/all of it/are extremely bored, they are in the dusty cellar of this website for you to discover, like all the things you are slightly embarrassed of but secretly a little bit proud so can’t ever throw away.

TODAY, THE OLYMPICS BEGAN!

Is what I will be saying on Friday. However, they have drafted us in for some volunteering shifts this week for apparently no reason whatsoever. The title of these posts will take on the acronym of the title, which makes for a messy and unsightly collection of letters and numbers which don’t spell anything even vaguely pronouncable. I’ll work on it.

My job is in the Media Centre as a member of the transport team. It sounds cool, but let us deconstruct the sentence to really get a gist of what I will be doing almost every day for the next 3 weeks:

“My job” is a job in the loosest sense of the word job, in that I do go somewhere at annoying hours of the morning to do something I hate, but sadly fail to get paid for it. That’s right, if the title of the whole secret diary thing didn’t give it away, I AM A VOLUNTEER.

“The Media Centre” is indeed the Olympics Media Centre, but I am not in the Media Centre. Sure, my snazzy laminated pass with a passport style picture of me that I’m actually fairly proud of claims I am in the Media Centre, but aside from being told “you are allowed to get coffee from inside the Media Centre only if there is no queue, and no media people milling around looking as if they might start to queue, and the barista begs you to buy something because there have been media people milling around looking as if they might start queuing all day, but none of them actually carry out the threat to queue, and thus business is at a minimum” we are outside the Media Centre.

“member of the transport team” has two aspects, I will cover the transport team first. The transport team obviously sorts out transport, but I have been privileged enough to be put in the media buses section, and to be blunt, I have to write down what time a bus arrives, what time a bus leaves, and if anyone gets on it.

That is it.

Being a member just means having to suck up to the team leaders who get paid to stand around and give us food breaks as if they are solid gold bricks, when in fact they are just abstract measures of personal time spent doing something different to the norm.

But before you stop reading, you know what? It’s not all bad. I get free meals in the canteen amongst the world’s media, my pass gets me into places I probably shouldn’t be, and I’ve befriended a few of the more influential staff (see: dinner ladies). That plus unlimited access to the whole Olympic Park in the lead up to and the duration of the Games, and a free Oyster Card for six weeks. I’ve already been for a tour of all the stadiums in the park, got a free ticket to the Opening Ceremony rehearsal, and every mealtime my favourite dinner lady Caroline gives me an extra multi-grain bar.

And so today was my first day. I will post an article every day or two divulging the inner secrets of the spectacle which is London 2012, dear readers, so you too can feel like you are standing in an enormous grey bus garage which doubles as a wind tunnel and takes 3 days off my life due to the fumes. You can thank me later, London.