TSDOAL2012OV – Badgering for Badges
WHO REMEMBERS POKEMON CARDS? If you don’t then you are either too young or too old for this site, please leave now I won’t ask again.
Well for those of you who know that everything I talk about is relevant and that I never go off on a tangent, not here, not in real life, not never, you might be wondering how Pokemon is relevant to the Olympics? Well, you guessed it guys:
POKEMON BATTLES ARE BECOMING AN OLYMPIC SPORT!!!!!!!!11
They’re not really.
The reason Pokemon cards are relevant is because of badges. Lots and lots of badges. When I say badges I’m not talking about giant birthday badges or smiley face badges for not being sick all over the dentist or bodgers and badges but in fact little metal pin badges that come in all shapes and sizes (well actually they are usually square or rectangular and around an inch per side).
These badges are basically a massive underground trading game whereby TV stations from all around the world bring a few hundred badges depicting their logo along to the Games, and hand them out surreptitiously to anyone who they feel deserves them (see: the army, hot girls, and people who spend precious bus logging time talking to them in broken slow motion English for 20 painful minutes whilst they are waiting at the bus stop). There seem to be literally hundreds of different badges in circulation, pinned to everyone’s pass-strap (the strap that goes around your neck with your pass on it. I don’t know why I felt the need to clarify that but I felt that it was an ambiguous term) but if you don’t know about them you don’t notice it. Once you’ve bagged yourself one, you go about trying to get hold of more by craftily trading upwards and bumping people off, obtaining a collection of which to be proud of. But first you need one.
Luckily, I met Pete, who was lucky enough to be stuck with me at the bus stop after missing his bus by two minutes, which meant that I was lucky enough to be handed a badge after entertaining him until the next one turned up. NO WORRIES PETE. It wasn’t just any badge either, but a rare beautiful silver being with the curves and proportions of a beautiful woman, the character of the same beautiful woman who knows she has the figure, but with the subtle class of a different more magnanimous woman who instead looks like a small silver badge saying “FoxTel 2012”. WHAT A WOMAN BADGE. I wore it with pride and waited for other people to notice it, which they abjectly failed to do.
After some subtle mentions of the word badge in regular conversation, the specifics of which I won’t badger you with, a few of the other volunteers started to notice. Now, I never knew how it felt to be the belle of the ball, but at this moment I was it. I was lauded for my one beautiful ornate silver badge, pride of place over my jacket, and how I had managed to get it. But with this new status, competition inevitably follows, and the other volunteers set about obtaining their own badges. I realised I had to step up my game if I was to retain my position as media centre bus garage volunteer badge king. I want to end up with the most badges, the best badges, why? FOR YOU, DEAR READERS. This is all for you.
To be continued…